Beyond Fucked


Projects, Music festivals, Burdens

Spending my spare time on mostly one project is really annoying. I want to do other stuff but I can't. Hopefully I can get the project up this month and move on. I need to get back to more passion projects.

In work time I have doubted the amount that I am spending developing windows accessibility software. I need the solution up soon as my hard drive on my old portable computer is dying. Maybe the first prototype will be up next month.

I have three music festivals coming up. I may wear gloves for people to fist bump, because of covid etc. A mask might be overkill but I don't know. I was fist bumping people every two minutes last time.

Nothing much is happening. I keep getting annoyed by having to answer emails and meet with people about my disability care. For fuck sake I'm a workahollic, I don't want to spend time discussing equipment etc. Having a disability is a burden, sorry but it is. It's made worse by fucking endless meetings about equipment and inaccessibility of society. Fuck sake.
Posted at 03/02/2021 08:28:52 UTC 22 comments

2020, Future, Computer, Negativity

Well 2020 sucked for me, but not solely because of covid. If it was just Covid the year would still have sucked, but not as much. Covid also had significant upsides for me, let's say I took advantage of some things and I am in a better position than I was before Covid. Not traveling sucked. I am fearful that the vaccine won't solve the problem but am holding out hope that it will. What sucked for me was some of my online accounts got shut down. The payment processor issue was my own fault; eventually I may just delegate payment processing to other people but I see no urgent need. The other account getting shut down was probably my fault too. However because of this I tried some alternative business models, it isn't working out and maybe I should quit. However I'll reconsider quitting in a few months.

I also joined a charity board and am now on the board of an artificial intelligence company, if the latter pays off I have some big plans! I'll invest half of the money though. Maybe I can invest much of the other half in a gay club and other vanity businesses. I also wrote a book this year, had fuck all sales. I'm not entirely clear if I will bother with comedy books. I am just writing erotica for now, this is kind of a hobby side business. I can't find a cover model. I am still tweaking the first manuscript. Maybe I can launch the first book in March. I am not planning to expose my pen names on personal profiles but will tell some close friends. I also plan on developing a text to video system so I can create videos with computer coding. I may do other ideas but it's not worth putting out there in case I don't do them. All the stuff I mentioned I'm definitely going to do.

Oh my computer almost died which would have been an utter fucking disaster. Nobody responded to my facebook post about it, apparently I have useless friends. I mean really! It was a fucking emergency and nobody responded. Luckily I did get help. So thanks to the guy who helped. Facebook proved again to be fucking useless.

I'm going to write more negative blog posts this year. Being negative is my source of fun. Fuck knows I can't travel any time soon, I have to do something to entertain myself. Positively is boring and many people just fake it anyway.
Posted at 06/01/2021 06:22:11 UTC 30 comments

Gig, videos, book release, trance

I performed my last gig, people were complimentary. Now I'll focus on doing comedy away from the stage. My text to image technology still needs some work. I won't start on text to video technology for a few weeks yet. The entire point of the text to video technology is so I can release computer generated comedy videos. Perhaps I can realistically start in March or something. The text to image technology took more fine tuning than I thought. I am currently using it to design merchandise, it just doesn't have all of the abilities that I need yet.

I have released The Confessions of a Partying Cripple. I expected more sales. I was going to write a few more nonfiction books, but now I don't know. I didn't expect to be a massive success but eh. I really just wanted to say "I wrote the book on disability and partying". It was the #1 new release for two categories and got into the top 10 in overall sales for one. I may have been obsessively checking the sales ranks. All these achievements and only 10 sales. It would be good stand up humor. It would be VERY easy to send BS sales to get a #1 spot and get the clout. I am too cheap to do this. All I am saying is based on this experience if you truly wanted BS best selling clout, it's really not that difficult to do. This is nothing new; some of the people on the New York Times list buy their own books. Maybe I'll continue writing nonfiction books in my spare time, starting again next year. I'm definitely not doing this for the money. I think I've only made $12US overall. I still want to do non comedic fiction under a pen name, again not for the money. I'd be utterly delusional if that was my only motivation.

I was thinking about comedic fiction books. I think YouTube videos would earn more money. I could put some of the money back into videos and produce more and better content. I envision revenue from merchandise would be another way to do this, but had fuck all sales. Hopefully things will build up everything. Satirical "make money online" videos would be a good place to start, the revenue would be higher and I want to make fun of these guru idiots selling people crap. I have the first animated video but I am waiting for my text to video software to complete it. Yes I should complete it sooner, I just can't be fucked operating video editing software.

I am probably going to get involved in one or two things offline too. I'm considering releasing trance mixes too. I do a lot of stuff because I really don't have a life, or partner, and I don't really like people hahaha.
Posted at 30/11/2020 21:26:40 UTC 23 comments

Comedy, Projects, Humanity

I performed twice virtually last month, enjoyed the first show more. I liked performing virtually. It just takes a while to get used to the two second delay in laughs. I don't like traveling in vans, it's an unproductive waste of time. Not having to do that was good. Oddly I'm more tolerant of traveling to other cities for concerts, which I can't do now due to fucking Coronavirus. I have a gig later in the month. Then in all likelihood I'll discontinue stand up comedy but still work on comedy projects. I actually now own a stake in an upcoming company, so I may have to seriously reduce projects going forward.

It is an Artificial Intelligence company. All I will say is there's capital behind it. Nothing major and it's been mostly spent on the technology. I hope this works out. I still want to do hobby projects such as videos, books, certain websites. I'll also do merchandise designing and some programming projects. I'll see what I can outsource/(semi) automate in my network. I'll probably get writers for my content websites.

Also, I'm kind of done with the human race right now due to a moronic referendum result and the fact that 45% of Americans would still elect a moronic crazy person. I don't like humans, and I'm not going to spend my time entertaining them, OK? I'll still release blogs, videos, books and merchandise. I just don't like humanity enough to build a career being around people, never have!
Posted at 07/11/2020 06:15:19 UTC 37 comments

Tto do lists, comedy, shirts, books

So I completed a few things on my to do list. I did comedy in drag, that set went better than expected. Unfortunately it wasn't videoed so maybe I'll perform again in October. Actually I'm performing another set virtually in October. However nothing has changed. I am a computer geek, I prefer it this way. I did do another set in September, people enjoyed it. The other thing on my to do list was designing T shirts. I have done like 46 in two months. Apparently you need hundreds to earn real money. Hopefully I can get better at graphics too, I am learning some new skills.

I am doing it quicker and quicker. My goal was two a week. I have done 16this past week. So will continue this and see where it leads. My strategy is basically throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks and

I am about a month behind on book publishing. Not exactly my fault as I am trying to fix a corrupted volume 2 manuscript. Volume 3 wasn't corrupted but maybe I'll do a few days of editing. If I do my partying book will be delayed until November or December. Fuck!

Started my first very short fiction which will be released under a pen name. My other fiction books in the particular genre will be 2-3 times as long. I am doing a very short book to start. If I can tear myself away from the genre I'm doing I'll do short comedy fiction next year.

Not sure if I want to do political comedy fiction. Orange Buffoon is already ridiculous enough. I have no idea what I want to do. Maybe a newsroom spoof in the Buffoon era, that might be fun. I know that I just said no I don't want to do political comedy, but the characters would react to real life events. I imagine that I'll do a book following a candidate but for now the newsroom idea sounds great.
Posted at 01/10/2020 06:38:12 UTC 29 comments

Books, Comedy, Products

Had another set back today but oh well. I am finally republishing my books and my partying book will be selling either this month or next.

I am doing drag comedy at Good Times Comedy Club September 14th, just because I can. No I am not returning to professional comedy, it's just something to do.

I was at a party the other week and people were still wanting me to do comedy. Um I am not a people pleaser. I did try do do a set and the fucking text to speech wouldn't work, no idea why. So people were reading my set on my computer and laughing.

I am thinking of doing disability related videos to promote my books. Problem is I don't like personal brands. I need to find a balance of not getting too high profile but if still promoting my books.

I am too busy to work on animated videos however I expect to work on all sorts of videos after my partying book is published. I may do some second editions but I want to do some fiction first.

Random rant: So many people fake positivity. I wish people can be honest about how miserable they are. I know people fake happiness for therapeutic reasons but I think it's OK to say life is fucked up, because it is. I don't think positivity is productive. I think that people that force themselves to be positive are less likely to make their life better. Although sometimes you can't. I just find it all so fake. Negativity doesn't have to be a bad thing; You can turn it into humour and make people laugh. At least I can, if you get my humour, and if you don't, sucks to be you I guess.

I like making myself laugh and if I make other people laugh, that's a bonus. On the other hand books, shirts and videos will be mainly for other people. They're also assets I'm building. All of my websites are assets too, it'd help if they were cash flowing assets Problem with shirts is I'm a shitty marketer and a crap designer, oh well. I am hoping that my designs will get better and eventually I'll have enough decent ones for a bit of income.
Posted at 02/09/2020 06:22:35 UTC 22 comments

Business, achievements, trance

My internet business is kind of fucked, much more than usual. This isn't covid related, or sales related. I am an extremely crappy salesman. I am reducing software development time to focus more on T shirts and books. Basically software development wasn't working out and something happened to make it totally fucked at this point but I will definitely get back to it eventually. I just feel doing content websites and releasing shirts/books are easier to get up. I am still doing lots of programming in my spare time.

I suddenly feel like writing erotca under a pen name. Obviously I'm going to release the existing books I have written first. I probably would want to write the first book this year.

Little progress on the videos I mentioned last month. It's a problem of getting around to editing images. Hopefully I can get around to it soon.

I feel like I am not successful, but in a few months I'll have two actively selling books and a library of T shirt designs. So that's an achievement.

I'm getting a new communication device with my own software on it. To be honest the project has been fucking frustrating and if I didn't need the software myself because the other software was so shitty I would have given up. The problem is also spending so much time on a project that if you gave up you just wasted years of your life.

People say I do too much blah blah blah. Firstly my strategy is if one project succeeds I'll pour capital in the other projects and keep growing. Secondly how many people have performed comedy overseas, authored books, had a massive software business (over a decade ago), created their own accessibility software, have additional websites in industries they love, have amused thousands of people, hell my ideas have amused hundreds of thousands of people (through someone stealing my ideas), my set was retweeted by Dawn French too, I have interviewed loads of people including a politician, OK now I'm narcissisticly listing (some of) my achievements. What is my point? I am brilliant! I don't always broadcast my successes, even though I am doing that now, I am still leaving some jucy stuff out. I have written software that allows me to do stand up, chair meetings and speak at universities even though I didn't finish high school. I could be more famous, I just choose not to do that. Even though I haven't had as much success as I like, most people haven't done what I have done. Things will turn around.

I went to a trance gig, finally. Only been listening to trance for eight years. It wasn't in Europe but much cheaper. I am not really into any sort of pride but I am glad that I live in New Zealand at this time.
Posted at 06/08/2020 06:46:02 UTC 15 comments

Books, videos, tangents

Fuck, it's July.

I really should get my two books published, I need to finish my second book. I also can make videos now. Typical Thane with Shiny Object Syndrome. I need to published my books, then go hard on videos. Doing just one video first though.

I am going to stop commenting on others' Facebook. People don't understand the things I say and try to debate points I didn't even make. I swear this is happening the majority of the time I comment, it's been like this for months I am probably a terribly communicator. I am also not very tactful or respectful. Well I have shit to do. I just want to get my thoughts out ASAP and move on with my day. Time to stop commenting.

One thing I like about animating videos is I don't have to deal with people, or fucking funding applications. I can't be bothered with either of them. Previously filled out two or three applications, I know this is not a lot. Again, I have shit to do. I don't want to waste time filling in applications when I could be building something. On the other hand, filled in an application, got a few trips to Brisbane. I also don't even like going out of the house, or fucking traffic. Traveling in a van is not productive. Now if I could teleport somewhere, do a set, teleport back right after, that could work. Otherwise going out is just largely unproductive. Releasing productions from the comfort of my bedroom suits me fine I can create brands, I don't want my name attached to most things that I do. I don't like how everything is people oriented. I don't care who's staring in a movie, I just want to know whether it's good. Ignoring the fact that I haven't seen a movie in five years. Again, I have shit to do. I don't like the media, the media usually covers me wrong, so it can fuck off. Getting recognition is completely overrated, I don't understand society's obsession with getting credit, fame, fans. I just want to write productions and put them on screen.. It'll probably still take a fuck lot of time, but most of the time will be spent doing things. I'll also release more comedy this way. I even forgotten that I wrote some scripts. I can't wait to get this pumping!

Clarification, basically the only things I like doing are going to bigger cities or seeing an international musician. Perhaps partying on other occasions. This is mostly fucked due to Covid.

This is unexpectedly full of tangent rants, so let's do another one and hate on the internet in general. Every few months a person gets slammed for saying a stupid thing, or doing stupid/offensive things 10 years ago. The people probably deserve it most of the time. The reason why I refuse to attach my name to businesses is that I know I am an offensive jackass. I am more comfortable controlling entities rather than randomly dealing with boycotts because I offended some group of people. Again I don't need recognition, I am happy doing things from behind the scenes. On the one hand this is not brave but I feel it's the most sensible way. Also many famous people are miserable, and I fully understand why. Many artists are depressed, does them being famous actually help them? Many end up in an early grave. This is a tangent on a tangent. Yes, I am not putting my eggs in one basket then being at the mercy on people on Twitter. Entities and brands are the way to go. At the same time I don't want to invalidate the boycotts. Some people on Twitter are absolute morons just looking to be offended and/or take you out of context. However most of the calling out people on issues have been decent. I am sure you can find some over the top reactions though.
Posted at 02/07/2020 04:24:56 UTC 125 comments

Books, Coronavirus, Puppy

At the beginning of the year I started a partying book. The plan was to go to Sydney and Europe to finish it, obviously that's not going to happen. I am thinking of finishing it in July. I also need to get my other book back up.

Nothing much is happening, people are still posting crap on Facebook. I have decided that people wanting the virus should create their own city and get it, party, do whatever, have a blast. Just don't come back without antibodies. I don't mind if people are anti lock down, but can you stop with the incredibly stupid arguments that do nothing but broadcast to the world that you can't understand extremely basic stuff? If you just don't care whether masses of people get the virus, well that position doesn't display that you're absolutely ignorant of how to process the numbers. I disagree with it but you're less fucking stupid than some people. If you don't like me calling people stupid, I don't care, I should have been calling people stupid all along. I am done with people. Perhaps emotions come into it. Emotions hinder logic. Anyway I'm sick of hearing from these people, they're free to fuck off to an island and get coronavirus. Then they'll probably complain about something else.

A puppy now lives with me part-time. She's at least friendler than the other dog my sister brings over. I don't have to clean up her messes or pay for her, that's suits me. I have the urge to start a disability personal finance blog and I could include tips like if you're disabled (or if you're offended by labels, crippled) and don't want to pay for a pet just get an assistant with a pet, problem solved. I'd also love to do a satirical blog. I already have too many blogs and websites.
Posted at 03/06/2020 08:16:30 UTC 134 comments

Ranting about people and Coronavirus

This fucking pandemic would be more tolerable if people weren't posting the same stupid shit on Facebook. Obesity, car crashes are not infectious diseases. You can't get obesity by going to McDonalds one time and it knocking you off within three weeks, how do people think this is remotely similar? People have a fantasy of separating people who are OK with the virus with the people who don't want it. This is idiotic. Even if you could separate them (you probably can't) they'll be doomed inside for about six months. However if the rest get the virus at the same time that'll fuck the medical system and people couldn't get cancer treatment. More importantly they don't know the long term health effects of it and at least some can get it again. Sorry but this pandemic seems to have disconnected people's brains. Apparently the lock down is working, I hope that the virus is eliminated, which will buy us some time for treatment to be available. It'll probably resurface when our borders open up. By the way to people who say reopen the economy what do you think a up to 5% reduction of country's population will do to the economy? What about the aged care sector? Well there will be less need for rest homes if 20% of their clientele died. Mass death is probably not a good economic stimulant.

I have been more social on Zoom than most times in the past decade, well at least half decade. I don't like going out so it's more convenient to join a zoom meeting.

I am producing a comedy and female vocal trance radio show this month, not sure when it'll air but I guess contact me if you want to know.

Posted at 06/05/2020 04:15:57 UTC 105 comments

Coronavirus, TTS

New Zealand is on lock down because of the fucking coronavirus. I thought that the virus was no big deal at first, obviously I was wrong. I regret not getting sex while I could, I could have gotten some in Sydney but my passport expired. Yes I am ranting about sex. I'm a workahollic nerd; saying at home really doesn't affect me that much as I really don't like going out anyway. Some concerts cancelled, I can't go overseas, no big deal.

Actually the most annoying thing about this fucking virus is Emails from organization asking how I am. Bitch, I am busy and don't have time for your Email. I have also gotten countless Emails from random companies about the virus. If you're not shutting down my service GO AWAY! I don't care what you're doing with your company! Fuck!

While I'm ranting I have no time for idiots. Idiots can fuck off, they're endangering people's lives with their stupid bullshit. Dumb fuckers still don't believe that this virus is that bad. You have to be a special kind of narcissistic fuckwitt to think that you know better than public health experts at this stage. Many people are just fucking stupid! Er I had two hours sleep last night so I am probably extra bitchy. Can you tell? Perhaps you can't.

I did suddenly wanted to do comedy but my gig was cancelled. Going out was probably a really bad idea, though I probably wouldn't have got it anyway. I probably sound like a dumb person on the news. That's OK, at least I know when I am hypocritical and stupid. But seriously there was only about 20 infections in New Zealand at the time, the chances of getting an infection was really really low. I still want to do drag comedy at some stage, just because it'll be fun.

Today I started going through some electronic dance music tutorials. I have been meaning to learn for years. I still have no desire to be famous, I just want to learn how to make electronic dance music, specifically trance. I'd happily DJ in a gay club with hot shirtless guys, that would be pretty cool. Perhaps I'd release music through a stage name or produce music for other artists. I wouldn't mind doing that.

What sucks is I was mainly building event listing software and now all events have been cancelled. There's no point releasing it until this fucking virus is gone.

On the bright side it's a good time to invest in event companies, airlines, or most companies really since stocks have collapsed.

I have almost finished remote text to speech software. This will allow me to transfer live text to speech files through the web so it'll be like I'm speaking to the person. I pretty much only need to test.
Posted at 01/04/2020 06:30:09 UTC 65 comments

Electric Avenue, Partying Book, Websites

I went to Electric Avenue festival, I got more material for my partying book. I was reminded how annoying people are. More people = more annoying people. Though I don't mind dancing with and fist bumps with cute guys. But honestly every five minutes someone would approach me, annoying. I probably have less tolerance since I'm aging, though I didn't have much to begin with. I got in the first row at the Pendulum set

My partying book is at 8,300 words. I accepted a commission based job running a network of 10 websites so I had to stop work on the book while I prepare for that. I'm basically programming automation so maintaining the websites won't take much time at all. I still plan on doing all my other projects and websites. Recently I added a website to my personal portfolio, it's another music oriented website. The network of websites I'm managing is in a niche I'm already in (not music) so hopefully with 10 additional websites I can experiment more to find out what gets the best results.

You probably don't care but it's my blog so fuck off if you don't like it.

Hopefully I'll get to back to writing my new book soon.
Posted at 04/03/2020 05:39:33 UTC 42 comments

Overseas trips, DJing, books, Will and Grace

I delayed this blog because I was going to Sydney and wanted to write about that. I didn't end up going because I had an expired passport. Insurance won't pay out, no surprise. They look for excuses not to pay.

I'm going to Europe in June. I have ordered a new passport so hopefully things go to plan. I was advise not to use Airpoints, which really doesn't make sense to me so I am thinking Vegas/LA next year. Trying to think of a business reason to go back to China too. Preferably after a vaccine is created.

I love creating software and I have created software to DJ, tested it out Saturday, it was barely functional, doing request didn't work, my fault for not testing requests while music was playing. I'll fix that next time. No, I'm not considering a career change, I don't like basing a career on a personal brand, because I say all kinds of crazy shit. I just like creating software. I really want to create a music mixing application and plan to start it soon. If I ever release music it'd be under a stage name, I'd rather produce for a DJ and occasionally join them on trips in the crowd, or manage a gay club. I probably don't have time to go into music professionally. However I am available to DJ for friends' parties and if a gay club offered. Yeah I'd consider doing it, if the guys there were hot LOL! I did general music on Saturday.

My next book is 80% complete. I'm inspired to write other books such as about my short time in comedy and about traveling. Perhaps I'll do one book a year. Self published, probably less professional and with more casual writing. I think this works best for me. I think that I could write a book about sex and also some erotic fiction; I'm completely serious. Though I don't read erotic fiction or any kind of novels so I need to study it. I'd release the sex books under a pen name.

Also Will and Grace is a bit shit this season because Karen has been absent for two episodes; she's the best character in the show in my opinion.
Posted at 19/02/2020 06:58:50 UTC 29 comments

Goals, Christmas, New Year

Did I achieve last year's goals. No. However one of my goals was to launch a concert site and while I didn't do that by I hope to have three sites loosely connected to music soon, and possibly more after so I am claiming victory.

I am still not where I want to be but some of my websites are getting big. As long as I continue to grow my portfolio of sites hopefully things will work out.

I never noticed how weird Christmas is. It's November, let's put up green shit all over the place. What's with Christmas trees? Did Jesus have one? Is cutting down all those trees even environmentally friendly? Christmas is not environmentally friendly, there's a fuck load of waste and rubbish. Giving cash reduces rubbish, just saying!

Why are people saying happy new year? It's happy new fucking decade! Stop underselling the event. Celebrating time also seems like nonsense but I don't care as long as I can get shit faced!
Posted at 02/01/2020 03:27:39 UTC 1067 comments

Carly Rae Jenpsen, Festivals, Music websites

I went to a small town for a multi day event. I hate small towns with a passion. The accessibility is usually shit, I also don't like smaller populations. I can't stand small towns. The event was OK.

Fucking didn't get on my flight to Christchurch because it was windy in Wellington. Fuck that, they should have been more prepared. It's not like it's a rare occurrence. Windy in Wellington, happens all the time. It's rare if it's not windy. No reason why I couldn't have gotten on the flight. Fucking health and safety crap. I had to go to Auckland from Wellington then Auckland to Christchurch. Delayed by four hours. What a bastard.

I am not a fan of small towns, or Wellington, or Wellington airport. Worse airport in New Zealand!

I go to Wellington too much. It's too small of a city for me to want to go there often. I think it has beautiful buildings but I'm over constantly going there.

I was sick of going to Auckland at one stage too. When I do too much of something or see someone too often I just get sick of them. It's been like that all of my life.

I went to Carly Rae Jenpsen in Auckland, she was better than expected. Upstairs but manage to get decent enough photos by going around the side.

I am going to finally use my Airpoints to go to Amsterdam next year. I am going to some trance festivals including going to one in Sydney. I just thought why not? I have never been to a trance specific festival and it's my favourite type of genre. I like vocal trance most of all.

I am finally starting to launch music sites. Turns out my own software is buggy and I forgot to program some key features. So I am doing a lot of fixing. I haven't released it commercially yet. That's something I need to do. I plan to launch international event sites, but will get local sites up first.
Posted at 22/12/2019 02:58:56 UTC 16 comments

U2, Shawn Mendes

Friday I went to U2, Mt Smart Stadium staff are a bit paranoid frankly. They asked me to stop driving completely unnecessarily when I was already going somewhere. My view was fairly good from a segregated seat. I enjoyed Noel Gallagher. U2 were good.

Saturday I went to Shawn Mendes. I almost didn't go because of all of the screaming girls at these things but when U2 was playing I thought that it was more economical to go to both. I could better justify going because of economies of scale. Nobody took me to my seat and didn't know where it was so I just went on the floor up the front. I had no idea if I was supposed to be there but nobody complained. I was a bit off to the side but it wasn't crowded. Shawn saw me and gave me a peace sign, then patted me on the arm later. He came up to me twice. It was more fun than being at home. I wish I had video, but got a guitar pick, I don't know if it was Shawn's. I also forgot that I specifically wanted to be upstairs for this concert, to avoid crazy girls, sometimes my memory sucks, oh well, it worked out great!

I enjoyed Shawn's concert more because I was at the front and he came up to me, I also like collecting things from concerts.

Not having video is a fucking bitch but maybe I can look back on these blogs, and laugh at my own jokes. I say if you don't laugh at your own jokes you probably aren't funny!

Sunday I am at the airport for about four hours, just writing blogs, can't be fucked with WiFi. Was on WiFi at hotel but couldn't be bothered with Email or Facebook, that was pretty much off the grid when it comes to me, OK? Wrote most of some starter articles for a new partying product site I'm developing. Hopefully that's vague enough so fuckers don't steal my idea.
Posted at 11/11/2019 05:10:32 UTC 11 comments

Arts Access Awards, business

I don't know why I continue these blogs. I am busy and really can't be fucked. So talking about myself is burdensome. I am not a fucking narcissist hahaha.

Last month I hosted the Arts Access Awards; it was the best event I've hosted all year; it also was only event I hosted all year. However seriously it was a top event of my performing life, well I can't really call it a career. I totally can do corporate gigs. Not that I have any plans to do so. Performing is a skill in my back pocket in case everything goes to shit.

And everything is going to shit, I am not happy with my lack of financial success, I haven't been for the past 5 years. I am not happy that I haven't sorted eye tracking yet. I am happy with the websites I've created, I've just got to make them profitable. I still believe that I'm going in the right direction. However I don't feel successful, at least financially.

I have done so much in my life like performing overseas, performing in Parliament, wrote a book series, done speeches in Universities, appeared in a music video, went to like a billion concerts, danced with Anastacia. I've done things I don't wish to take credit for, I know you're shocked. I've made thousands of people laughed. Have I lead a great life? Sure. Do I feel successful? Not really. However life can always be tweaked. I believe that I can be successful.

I am successful in some ways. However I can do better. Some of my problems are self inflicted.
Posted at 03/10/2019 21:58:21 UTC 14 comments

Whining comedians

This month I'm randomly ranting about comedians. I am sick of their whining about political correctness. Good comedy in my opinion courage but comedians whining about people not liking their jokes is not courageous, it's pathetic.

Every industry has to adapt, why would comedy be different? You cannot make fun of the same minorities you could 20 years ago, and that's probably a good thing. If you do and you get booed or blacklisted that's on you.

Smart comedians will just adapt.

I'm not the biggest fan of gate keepers and some probably go too far. If you don't want to deal with them you could put on your own shows and/or start your own open mic.

Take the initiative instead of whining. If there's a market for your stuff you will succeed if not sorry people don't have to embrace your humour.

If you make fun of the powerful this wouldn't be so much of a problem. If you do the opposite then yes you're going to get shit.

You CAN control your jokes, you CANNOT control people's reaction to them. Instead of complaining endlessly why don't you modify your act?

If you're a rich comedian and complain, fuck you! I give no shits about you. You have enough of a following to do your own thing.

I have millions of dollars and annoyed people don't like my joke about transgendered people. Yes, fuck you!

If you're a poorer comedian, you just have to deal with modern society's expectations. It doesn't have to be a negative, try new things, refine. Perhaps you'll hit gold!

If you really don't like today's culture by all means find a way to develop your own following. I don't care.

Comedy regularly offends people and that's ok. Comedians should push boundaries but there's possible risks of doing so.

If you want a safe space to tell jokes, there's nothing stopping you from creating one.

Also some may consider me a whining (ex) comedian about other things, oh well. You're right and I don't care. However rich comedians complaining about audiences does genuinely fuck me off!
Posted at 04/09/2019 04:00:30 UTC 13 comments

Wellington, content sites, Rich rant

Went to Wellington for a meeting. Stayed at a hotel with crappy access. There was steps to the bathroom. Serious what the fuck? Meeting was scheduled when an international rugby match was on, that was probably a bad idea.

I have noticed that I like building content sites more than programming. I always seem to work extra on my content days. I am focusing on 3-4 industries, which frankly is a cut-down for me.

To people who insist you have to do one thing to be successful.
Steve Jobs wasn't really successful until he did iPhones, iTunes. He didn't just do Macs.
Amazon didn't make a profit for years and years and the company now has defense contracts, cloud services, wholefoods. It is not just one thing.
Richard Branson had multiple things.
Rich people are also rich largely because they're tight asses and do a lot of investing. Many rich people are complete cheapskates. I know this from YouTube videos and dating a guy from a wealthy family. It's not really to do with doing one thing and getting good at it, it's more financial strategy. There's a reason why half of lottery winners go broke.

Even if most rich people do one thing, they have other investments too.

While I'm not great at sticking to one thing, I've done some stuff for years and sooner or later some will be successful. I've launched about 6 websites this year and a few more are planned. This is different from previous years where I just did programming. I am getting more sites up and am feeling great. Some sites are small or can be semi automated.
Posted at 01/08/2019 04:33:05 UTC 12 comments


Honestly I feel disturbed, and not in a good way. Recently I learned that people with disabilities are denied medical care that others get. I read about how beds are inaccessible in Australia so people don't women don't get appropriate examinations. Apparently denial of care happens in NZ but people and articles aren't good at providing credible sources so I have to do more research into this. If you have particular examples please message me. I have discovered other disturbing facts about disability and the medical industry but I don't really feel like typing horrible events here, at least about other people.

This makes me wonder if am I a bad disability advocate. I often wonder the same thing about gay rights, considering I do more disability work.

Perhaps blaming yourself for systematic issues is a bit narcissistic. I also don't like to refer to myself as a advocate frankly. However it's clear to me that there's critical issues that need resolving and people need to do more and this includes myself.

However I am also happy continuing doing other stuff. It is about balance though, that balance is out of sync currently.

I do view myself best suited to providing strategic advice and delegation. Mainly because I like to focus on multiple things at once. I'll also try to create more disability content for my network of sites.

Perhaps this is self serving however I truly believe that growing a strong network would help the entity advocate in the long run.

NGOs are apolitical mostly and in my opinion they screw themselves by doing this. Political organizations also frankly play it too safe.

I believe that freeing yourself of maximum restrictions is the only way to do anything. Sometimes this means freeing yourselves from the group think in the disability community. However other times it's worthwhile to listen, research and change your mind.
Posted at 03/07/2019 04:17:19 UTC 7 comments
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